To state the obvious, kids are loud.
Like really bloody loud. And call me naïve but I didn’t realise just how loud until we had our own.
Going back to the beginning of this turbulent journey we fondly call ‘Parenthood’ or “Shit! We’ve ran out of nappies/whole milk/energy etc.” Flo’s never been the most sociable of children, especially with adults; women in particular. A lot of other parents have actually said that their children prefer to be around men…
Why is that? Are we more child-like? I’m just gonna assume we’re more fun and await the torrent of abuse.
Anyway, unless she was screaming in the face of whoever had just dared to acknowledge her or struggling with colic, Flo’s always been pretty quiet when we’ve been out and about – unless you count her death stare, that bugger speaks volumes.
I’d even say she was shy, which is unsurprising really as Emily and I both were as kids. I’m still described as that now. Oh no wait that’s Anxiety.
But recently things have changed… We are now the proud owners of “Foghorn Flo”!
I don’t know whether it’s just a new sense of independence or too many Milkybar Buttons but it’s like she’s finally found her voice. Her VERY LOUD voice.
Our mornings start around 6.30ish with a toddler-shaped alarm call of “DADA! DADA!” and after hitting snooze on that for a while we then get a bellowing “DAD! DAD! DAD!”.
I don’t know how Emily’s bribed her but it’s very rarely Mama first thing in the morning. Again, we’ll just say it’s because I’m more fun and leave it at that.
Things have also escalated in volume whilst out in public. It’s like Flo’s experienced the same transition as Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. Going from death-stares, screaming in strangers faces and muttering “bah-humbug” at kids on crutches all the way to running through the streets (mainly shopping centres) greeting passers by with a booming “HELLO!” until they acknowledge her with a cheery response.
And my god is this girl persistent.
My favourite experience of Flo in full blown shouty mode has to be the time in Sainsburys when she stood at the Deli-Counter shouting “BYE!” at a girl in her early twenties.
All Flo wanted was for her to respond but no…
This must’ve gone on for about 2 or 3 minutes, the entire duration of this the poor girl pretended to be very busy neatly stacking the Satay Chicken – seriously, she could have just said bye, but for some reason ignored her – what followed was me trying to lead Flo away from the counter as she resisted and continued to shout, like a drunk friend who really wants to back into Wetherspoons and finish their Pitcher.
Eventually, I ran out of fucks to give and let Flo run back to the counter when finally she got a “Goodbye” and a wave from Mrs Meat Lady. That was all the response that she needed to then spin on her heels and run in the other direction back to us.
You really need to pick your battles in this parenting game and Flo definitely won this one so fair play kiddo.
There is also one major downside. The tantrums have got even louder and they involve more physicality. So now there’s screaming, shouting, throwing; which can either be herself or an object depending on what’s nearby and also lots of laying down in public places.
The other day I got so fed up of trying to coax Flo off of the floor during an epic meltdown that the Dad of another family tagged me out and gave it a go for himself! He was unsuccessful but still #DadSquad.
Despite this, she’s not changed completely. She still has her quiet moments when she’s faced with people she doesn’t know which is fine, there’s even times when she goes into a bit of a zone when she’s around some of our closest friends
But, I can’t lie, I love ‘Foghorn Flo’ and I hope it’s a sign of things to come.
Growing up I hated being known as the shy one and as you get older people can and do misconstrue that as you being unsociable or rude. To be fair, yeah sometimes it was because I really didn’t like a particular person but oh well.
I know this is all going off on a tangent and a bit deep because Flo’s only young and has only discovered an ounce of her vocabulary but we all want our children to be bold and speak up; I mean you can’t go an hour on Instagram without having some sort of motivational post telling you as much. But the reason I’m so passionate about this is because as she does get older I want her to express her opinions, her worries, what she values, which teacher she doesn’t like at school, which of her friends told her that her Dad wrote an embarrassing blog post about her when she was young.
So you keep it up Flo. Keep shouting until someone listens, even if it is only the Deli Counter lady, but do me a favour yeah; maybe bring it down a few notches first thing in the morning…
Daniel Jones 